Publication Junk Mail

            I’m official now: I’m receiving publication junk mail! Yes, for only such and such an amount, I could mail in my work, have it proof-read, and receive back a letter telling me my work sucks and I’m a piece of royal shit. No thanks. I can do that myself. Getting the mail, however, was amusing. Here’s to a new year of junk! Oh, and I got my first issue of Writer’s Digest with a rough and ready cowboy figure on the cover. I thought to myself, “He doesn’t look like a writer”…haven’t we had this conversation before?

            Everything is coming along nicely so far. I promise you there will be new stuff soon. You have been patiently awaiting the release of my covers and the story, and I tell you they are coming soon. Holly is completing the photos and I am setting up a meeting with Joseph and his friend to go over designs. With the holidays, this little movement of mine lost some momentum and I have been trying for the last several days to get things back on track and moving forward again.

I have not worked much on “Mommy’s Gone Crazy,” so there is little to report. You simply have to be in the right mood to write. If you are not, what you produce will be garbage and you will only waste more precious time trying to correct what you already wrote (aside from vain attempts to kick your own ass).

I will be happy when I get the covers completed and on line again. I would love to have a mega marketing thrust to open the eyes of the world to my writings, and I think I have a few ides. For one, I plan on streaking through the second quarter of the Super Bowl with my site tattooed on my back, and maybe other places (I am told I have a cute ass, so maybe I’ll put it there as well). Also, I will usurp air time during the next presidential debate and insert a subliminal message…wait, no one watches those things. Never mind. Ok, these are not real, although ten bucks says the viewing audience will increase by half a percent nationwide this year, an increase no one can explain. Watch that second quarter….

Check out my works on bn.com. Remember, it’s Robert Perry you are looking for. I appreciate everyone who buys one of my stories, and it is my sincerest hope that the tales of madness and mayhem will bring you as much joy as they have me….

Until next time….

Not in the Mood

            As a writer, you have your high and low moments, much like anything in life. Today, for some reason, seems to be one of those low moments; I don’t know why, but today simply is. It happens, just like that scene from Forrest Gump, where he stepped in a pile of shit. What did he say? “It happens.” Maybe I sat in a pile today; I don’t know. Anyhow, welcome to the writer’s mind, where we second guess our work, overly criticize ourselves and doubt our future success. I said I would share everything with you on this journey, and I was not lying. This is what I am facing now.

            My mood has kept me from writing much today, although I have had the time to do so. I think about the story a lot and miss working on it, although I can’t bring myself to produce any pages. I took my walk earlier and found my mind drifting to other reveries. Today I am simply not in it. Oh, well. This will pass soon.

            On a happier note, my sales have increased on bn.com. Each of my stories have sold nicely (here’s hoping they will continue to rise). If you have any friends who like horror stories, do send them to bn.com, and tell them to search my name, Robert Perry. You can also send them to my blog, where I have all the necessary links posted. Word of mouth is always integral to any business; I would greatly appreciate your passing my name along. If I’m successful, I’ll even name my kid after you. Anything is better than some of the stupid ass names the movie/rock stars come up with. Tu Morrow? Really?! Apple?! Honestly, people! What happened to names like Chuck, Bob and Jennifer?  Why not just give them names like Trunk Lid and Sweat Pants! Or better yet, a number: 24601. Good God! See why I don’t read the news!

            Alright, I’m focused again. Everything’s good; everything’s happy. Pretty sunset, palm tree in the yard, etc. etc. etc. I have enough work to keep me busy for the next few weeks, months even, so the ideas have come to a halt. It’s a good thing, I believe, as too many story thoughts end up pushing each other to the side. Let’s just get through the few I have now, and focus on new ones later.

            I hope everyone had a nice holiday. The New Year is approaching; please don’t do anything stupid. Alcohol and fireworks do not play nicely together. I read once of a guy who, after indulging in “the drink,” tried to light a rocket fuse by holding a match to his backside and, well, use your imagination. I think he died.

            I’ll leave you on that happy note. Thanks for reading!

           

             

Two Notifications

            It’s Christmas time, so the posts will be sporadic. There, I said it! I have been busy as hell, and not with writing. You know how Christmas goes, so I need not comment on all the gift buying, menu planning, crowd evading, item finding, etc. It’s been fun, though. Enjoy the holidays while they are here. We all return to our crabby, cruddy state when they are gone!

            I have received two important notifications since the last blog. No, I am not published yet. I would have been more vocal about such a triumph. First, I have heard from Holly, and she informed me that the cover for Bleodsian is being put together. Second, I have heard from another individual who is working on covers for me, and he is gearing up to begin work on the e-cover for “Mommy’s Gone Crazy.” He is amazingly professional and has a keen understanding of the field. I will tell more of him when I have permission to do so (oh, and you never need to worry about popping up in my blog unless I ask your permission first. So, rest at ease). I will have to give him a brief understanding of what I want for the covers, something I will start today, hopefully. I am excited to work with him and with all the talent I have surrounding me: Holly and Joseph for photographs, David for artwork, my friend for design, and Melissa for editorial work. I think it will be a good team.

            With all these individuals working on projects, I had to write out a list of “whose doing what.” I like lists sometimes; they make me feel less like an idiot, and I get to cross things off. That excites me. Sad life? Yes, yes it is. The first of the year we will meet and go over some details and get everything in order for the creation of the cover. Until then, you all will have to hang tight for the new arrival of the covers.

            I got a little bit of writing done yesterday on “Mommy’s Gone Crazy.” It was not a lot, but it was a good writing spree. I love when you really get into a good vein and plow through the story. It all came together nicely and I got to a good stopping point. The suspense is building as the narrator tries to find his daughter amid the debris of the ravaged house. Something just moved; was it his daughter, or the ex-wife who has gone mad?

            Alright, I am gone for now. If you do not hear from me again, make your Christmas a special one, a holiday worthy of remembrance.

Rob Complaining About Time

            The problem with writing is that there is never enough time to complete the things you want to accomplish. Sounds a lot like life? Well, yes, it does. The only difference, however, is that you engage in life full-time, while most of us only write part-time. I have not worked these past two days, and all I can show for my productivity is a blog (plus this one) and three pages of text. It is difficult to ever get a good length of time to write when so many things need to be accomplished. When I am home, I find I work around the house first, then engage in my writing last. It’s always on the bottom of the list for me, because for some reason I consider it “leisure time” and not an actual occupation. Take today, for instance: I worked over my menu for Christmas Day, cleaned and worked some in the yard. The laundry is being washed and I tried to set up a pull-up bar, all things that need to be finished. But what of my writing? Oh, that just gets pushed to the side, kicked in the ass and shoved into a corner.

            Writing is not easy, especially since you have to fit in into your social time. No one goes to an office to write their novel for 8 hours a day. That would be ideal, but such things do not happen for would-be writers. Once you are published and you make a name for yourself, then you can quit work and set your sights on writing full time. That is my long term goal; I don’t see it happening anytime soon, but it is a goal nonetheless.

            My major challenge is always time; I never have a stretch of time to devote to my writings. I blame no one. It’s my fault that I don’t put greater importance on my writings. Perhaps I don’t value my writings? I don’t know. This is certainly something that needs exploration. If you are going to write, it should be paramount in your life, not just something you do for the hell of it (unless, that makes you happy).

            Well, I hope you have enjoyed my first bitch fest. No doubt there will be plenty more to come in the future. On a happy note, the ideas I have floating around in my head for future works are all taking shape nicely. I am going to record one now and start ‘pushing it around’ a little.

            Thanks for reading…..

Looking the Part, Vol. 1

            I was told the other day that I “look like a writer.” I’m supposed to wear glasses; I don’t. I normally dress in black blazers, with dark colors; or vibrant, loud purples and soft lavenders. I like deep blue shirts with black ties (anything actually looks good with a black tie: free tip for you) or forest green with tan ties. Everything must flow and look sharp. My slacks are “modern fitting” (meaning they are tight as hell). Shirts are tucked in, hanging out, matched with jackets or simply worn open at the collar, showcasing my skull necklace - which I always have on. I wear a thumb ring; sometimes, two other rings on my right hand (ring and index finger), or a blue tiger-eye stone: ring finger only. I dress professionally at work, smart when going out, casual at home. So, with all this being said, why would I be told I “look like a writer?”

            First off, how the hell does a writer look, anyways? Do we walk about with pencils behind our ears and dictionaries under our arms? Do we use words like extemporaneous and interpolate when ordering lattes at Starbucks? Do we correct others’ speech, either mentally or verbally? I don’t know. Or maybe it has nothing to do with appearance; perhaps it has everything to do with action. Are we writers because we run through the woods to get a better understanding for what the branches feel like when smacking us in the face? Or because we eat and drink horrible things to comprehend just how disgusting they are, then write about it to you? Again, I don’t know.

            This has been puzzling me for a while. Now understand, I am a gothic writer. If you don’t know what Gothic literature is, hold tight: I’ll write a blog soon about it. But for starters, think Edgar A. Poe. Ok, Gothic. Right. With that out of the way, I am a Gothic writer, hence the pics in the cemetery. You hate cemeteries; I love them. You want a pet dog: I want a raven. Dark, stormy nights scare you: I thrive on them. Flowers adorn your desk: a skull sits on mine; You fear death: I…well, we’ll cover that one later.

I believe that you dress accordingly, and how you present yourself will be your appellation. Now, if you are a sports writer, don’t walk about with a helmet on all day. I don’t carry a shovel with me everywhere I go (read my stories). I don’t feel compelled to dress like anything other than what I am. So, if I dress like President Obama or the Sheik of Napoli, I’m still a writer. If I wear blue jeans and an Eagles tee, I’m still a writer. Bathing suit: same thing. Naked….never mind, you get the point.

The person was being nice. I told them I was writing, and they spoke the line. If I had told them I was in training to be a space shuttle pilot on the manned mission to Mars, they would have said I looked like an astronaut. This is how it rolls for me. All I can say is read my works, then you will know I am a writer.

I really don’t care what I look like (big lie; actually, I put a lot of emphasis on my appearance, but you get the idea). I don’t want to look like a writer: I want to be a writer! And I am one, published or not. Dress is only secondary, though the aesthetics may help.

Briefly, all is well. I am gearing up for another project and some editing of Bleodsian. I have a short story/novella combo I want to work on, the short story coming first; but not before I work on “Mommy’s Gone Crazy.” I think you all will enjoy it. Look for it soon.

I have almost forty ‘likes’ on my page. Please tell your friends, neighbors, and anyone you can trap in the elevator to look at and like my page. I’d appreciate it. Also, follow me on twitter and check out my works at bn.com. All links are posted on the blog page.

Thanks for reading.

The New Photo

            The Photo shoot blog was very popular and I heard a lot of laughter about it today at work. That’s good (if you think watching me get my ass kicked by some tough bikers is amusing!) Anyways, thanks for all the support and perseverance; you guys have more endurance than I do. I’ll just turn this publishing thing over to you and you all let me know when I’m famous. How’s that?

            Two days ago I purchased my first photo for a future cover from Joe Sheehan. I have his link posted on my blog site. His works are great, if I may say. Joe exhibits a dark streak with rather light colors; it’s brilliant and amazing how bright yet dark his images are. The work was shown to me a few days ago, and when I saw it, I knew immediately the picture would be perfect for my next little project, the story “Mommy’s Gone Crazy.” Joseph, (we’ll be proper here) unknowingly captured the essence of the story with his picture. He is also a professional portrait photographer working in Central Florida. I like his works and think he has a good grasp on things macabre; so, his works will certainly appear on my covers in the future. We both are excited to collaborate with one another, as our works seem to fit nicely together. Check out his site and remember him for your next family photo. If you have an awesome picture and think it would be great as a cover, feel free to email me at accantoallatomba@yahoo.com, and we’ll talk.

            Holly is doing well editing the photos; the poor girl is rather busy with all her endeavors, so for her to fit this into her schedule is truly both kind and generous. I will no doubt have them soon, and I promise you all will get the first glimpse of the new book covers. I will also be working with another individual who will construct the covers locally. A little more on him later.

            The story mentioned above, “Mommy’s Gone Crazy,” is a work I will start shortly. It’s about a man who gets a frantic call from his daughter that her ‘mommy’ (his ex-wife) has suddenly succumbed to her mental derangement and is trying to kill her. His whole mission is to get into the voluminous and vaulted mansion and save his daughter. But with all my stories, what appears to be simple is not always the case; the villain could be more sinister and more secretive than once imagined. Has mommy really gone mad, or is there more residing in the shadows of the house?

            This story gives me an exciting opportunity to work with a character-type I have been molding for many months now, perhaps years, even. Collectively and individually, she is known as Alexandretta, and she is singularly the most prominent driving force behind all my female characters. I mentioned her in an earlier blog from several months ago, but now she has come into her own, and in this story, I will deal with her directly, making her the star of the occasion and not simply the major influence. Look for more on all of this in a future blog.

            I say now, Behold, the Rise of Alexandretta….

            Thanks for reading!

First Photo Shoot

            Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Mine rocked! I was finally able to take my pictures for my new facebook page. Allow me to paint you a picture, if I may; we, my wife and I, went to the Pinewoods Cemetery in Daytona Beach to take pictures. I like cemeteries and figured it would be a perfect fit for a horror writer photo shoot. It was, save for the fact that this deliciously morbid cemetery was across the street from biker central, where all these leather-clad guys were staring at this pansy-looking “Hollywoodesque” guy in a black blazer and tight pants hanging over tombstones! I was scared shitless! Actually, it was a lot of fun, and Melissa exhibited her photographic dexterity in taking all the pictures. Many of them came out really well, much to her praise. I sat beside stones and laid upon the ground; it was awesome! There were some wonderful staircases and some depth to the cemetery that made the place perfect. I love cemeteries, just sayin.’ You see, gothic writer at heart. What else would you expect from me? Fields of daisies with butterflies fluttering about, or fluffy clouds and soft music? Com’ on? Read my works and you, too, will puke at the idea of fields or clouds.

            Got the pictures; next step was the FB page, which I completed last night. I thought it a brilliant idea to make myself a hot chai before going to be; you know, a hot, caffeinated beverage designed to sustain the body and mind for hours on end? Yeah, that one! So, when I couldn’t close my eyes for love or money, I decided to construct the page. I selected my favorite pics from the photo shoot, and finally, after much cursing and yelling, figured out how to start the page. I hate the new FB. Bastards! Anyways, it’s up and running, so check it out! Search my name and you will find the page. Every friend who likes it makes me feel less like a turd, so help me out here!

            With both of these going, I feel pretty good. I have my first shoot out of the way and my page is finished. Like it and receive updates on all my efforts. Also, I have a new email address, if you care to send a lengthy correspondence. You can find it on the page. Also, I will be posting some new links at the right, so keep an eye out to learn more about the photos on the covers!

            Busy weekend? Yes, it was! But a good and productive one. Keeping reading, and like my page. Oh, and for an infomercial: buy my works at bn.com!

            Thanks for reading!

A Freezing Walk

            I did a search for my blog on line today and found it rather easily. It was surprising, to say the least. I noticed, though, that I have more work to do in order to make it more accessible. On a walk I took earlier, I had all of these things running through my mind. It was pretty out, but sadly enough I paid little attention; I am still debating about the pseudonym issue. I teeter back and forth, not knowing if I should take on a new name or embrace my original appellation. Help me here…

            So, it’s cold outside. For those of you who enjoy it, I’m delighted for you. For the rest of us who hate this shit, my sympathies. I’m out trying to think (I always take long walks to help me process an issue) and freezing my ass off. Oh well, at least the walk was nice and fruitful.

            I looked over my stats from yesterday, and had quite the international community reviewing my blog. That’s pretty damned cool! People from the UK, Russia and Germany read my blog. I have several friends in the UK, friends I made on a writing site based in that country, and they seem to be checking it out. It’s exciting to see the endeavor grow. Keep reading and telling your friends!

            I am starting to put together a little blog on my latest novella (a work shorter than a novel but longer than a short story), and I will have that up soon. I’ll start to go over some of my works for you all, so you can get a feel for my style, and maybe even learn a thing or two about me. I’m proud of Bleodsian; it came out really well, and the ending will nearly have you in tears. It has taken me two years to write and edit, but now it is complete and nearly read for bn.com. Look for it soon!

            Gotta run now; have to go to work soon. Thanks for reading and remember to check out my works on bn.com

Christmas Time

            Everybody seems to be getting in the Christmas spirit now. It’s not December yet, but who gives a shit...enjoy the moment. Speaking of which, my sales have been doing really well (I say sales in conjunction with the holiday because no one associates Christmas with any theological event any longer, but rather with economic growth). I have a few stories on line, and the ones present have sold nicely. They are economically priced, so stop by bn.com and search my name (oh, and my stories are horror stories; I did not writer the book with a barn on the cover. I know very little about barns save for the fact that they store shit).

            I managed to locate the files for the pics I originally used as cover images and sent them to Holly. It was harder than I thought (locating them), but I managed to get them together, save for two. They are sitting safely out west now, awaiting their artist to turn them into awesome looking covers. I can’t wait to see what they become.

            There is a Writer’s Digest short, short story competition coming up soon, and I think I am going to submit again. I entered “Death Immortal” last year (it’s for sale at bn.com), but apparently they did not like my shorts (that was their slogan last year, ‘show us your shorts’…. Don’t ask me). I have some ideas, but am always open to new suggestions. If you have a good idea and are too lazy to write it yourself, send it my way via a comment at the bottom. I could use the help, though you won’t get any royalties from the work….life sucks, what can I say. Seriously, feel free to submit a suggestion in the comments below.

            I’m going to go and buy a pizza now. Thanks for reading…

A Writer's Dreams

            I had a lovely day-dream today that my story sold, and I was offered over a million dollars to write, and I moved to the south of Italy and owned a vineyard to supplement my income, and….then I woke up and realized I was in the kitchen, pushing around a shitty cart! At least the cakes looked and smelled really awesome. Writers dream, and dream and dream; you get the pictures. Without your dreams, you have shit, sometimes quite literally. Dreams are more than just happy thoughts; often, they are the fuel which propels us to attempt a goal. You may not succeed, but at least you tried. That is the motto of this endeavor. Now, enough of this motivational crap.

            The pictures I used for my short stories will be heading to Holly soon. I can’t wait to see what she does with them. I have not had much time to do any writing-related things today, but I can report my blog has experienced an upsurge of hits (views, readings, laughs; however you want to measure advancement). I will have the FB page up soon, and will move into the web from there. I have an awesome location selected for some pics, and will most likely go this weekend to take them.

            Anyone have any thoughts on the use of a pseudonym? Many writers use a pen-name, and I am debating the use of one. Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. I can’t decide either way. Feel free to leave appropriate names for my use (please, no Jack Sparrow, Captain Kirk or Barney). Also, if you like the blog, feel free to like the link to it on Facebook. I would like it, but that would only make me an ass hole.

            Thanks for reading!

Post-Thanksgiving Blog

            “And I will give you daily updates on my progress…..” Ok, so I haven’t been excelling in the daily routine…sue me! It’s the holiday season, and I was out ‘holidaying.’ All kidding aside, I am sorry. I have been out of town lately and have not been able to construct any blogs (not that much has happened, or that anyone would dare to surrender their turkey legs to the clutches of the table guests in order to read my blog). I had a lovely and special Thanksgiving holiday; my hope is that yours was the same.

            As I said, I was out of town visiting family, and while there, I was able to correspond with my photographer cousin, Holly, who will be working with me on covers and such. It was fun to sit down with her and go over some of my works, and share my visions with her in regards to designs. She is a brilliant artist and published on book and CD covers in Europe. At only 17 years old, Holly is a bit of a prodigy, and I am honored to work with her. She opened her imagination on my latest work, Bleodsian and how she was envisioning the cover. When the pictures are received, I will most certainly post them for you all to view. We spent a good deal of time collaborating; it was damned creative and really cool! Look for a future link to her flickr page at the right.

            My sales continue to increase on PubIt.com. If you go to bn.com (Barnes and Noble), search for my name and you will find some of my short stories. In the next few weeks they each will receive a new cover (that reminds me, I need to get those pics to Holly). I have another artist with whom I will be working; look for his introduction later.

            I read a lot more about the almighty ‘platform’ (you tired of hearing that word? Me too!) I have a lot more work to do, but it seems I have done very well so far, at least according to the guidelines for platform building. I am moving along steadily. The pictures will be the next great effort on our part. This coming weekend I also plan to do a mini-photo shoot for self-portraits. Look for those in the next few days.

            Alright, I’m tired and you are too. Go to bed….

Another One for the Quest

            So, I believe I am really becoming an underground success…….I had yet another person comment on my blog writing today. That makes two people, yes two, the number between one and three; the number of political parties in the US; the average length of the attention span measure in minutes. Stop laughing you little shits, I can hear that! You think you can do better, be my guest. Anyways, this individual said they would certainly follow my blog because it was “interesting.” Another one for the quest! If you have any other friends who might think this interesting, send them my way, please. I need to pay the rent….

            I’ve been checking out some sites through twitter and found both an awesome gothic writers site and one for horror writers. Here I am in my glory! The HWA (Horror Writers Association) seems to be an awesome resource. I still need to read on about joining, as you have to be published (I have e-books), but I don’t know if they consider that publication or not. Need to find out.

            You all are probably wondering just when I’m going to submit my book, right? No doubt everyone is thinking, “I wish he’d shut up and submit.” And you are right in saying that. I do need to submit, but not before I’ve had a chance to read over the first few pages again. Why? Oh, that’s easy: SO THE EDITORS WON’T WIPE THEIR ASSES WITH MY BOOK! In the holy grail of magazines (the Writer’s Yearbook 2012) I read a wonderful article on why editors don’t make it through the first page. Now I’m scared shitless about turning it in. Is it my best work? Will they find it imaginative enough to read on? Will they mail it back to me with a photoshoped middle finger enclosed in the package? I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out. The book needs more work. So, if you are waiting for the submission date, hang tight. It’s coming soon.

            In closing (this is my academic nature prevailing) I am going to focus on editing (again) the first few pages of the book, and will continue to advertise and promote my blog on-line. Thanks for hanging in there, and tell your friends (only if you like this crazy crap; if you hate it, please keep it to yourself).

Another entry

            I worked today, not on writing, but at my job, so I have little to report as far as the publishing process goes. I’m still moving along slowly. Sometimes, it feels like I am moving backwards with this endeavor. I see what has to be done, I know what to write, but I do not have the time to devote to it. I suppose this is the story of every writer. Certainly not alone in this matter.

            On another note, I worked an event today aside a cow pasture. Yes, I said that correctly, a cow pasture. Don’t laugh, it’s true. It was a memorial service on the family’s farm. The weather was pretty, but very breezy, so everything blew around violently. It went well, though we were late in leaving.

            I’m trying to mentally organize everything I have to do for the next few days in regards to publication. With the holidays coming, I don’t know how much of my time will be put towards all I have to do. Hopefully I can squeeze in a day or two here and there for some further editing and such. Let’s hope.

            Ok, I am done for now.

Day Three (the titles will get better, I promise)

            Long day, and I am unusually tired. I’ve mentioned my blog to many people today, and some expressed interest. I had a good number of hits on it yesterday. Thanks, everyone. It makes me feel like a small piece of shit only. I appreciate that.

            So, as I was shaving this morning, I was mentally designing book covers in my head. The covers came great, but I sliced the hell out of my face! I need to get an education on cover designing before I can launch Bleodsian. I want it to have an awesome look (since the book is damned wonderful!). I have a friend who might be able to assist me. It seems a corps group of people have formed around me, people ranging from editors to artists and photographers. It is a good assemblage of people, and I believe they all may be very useful to this “mighty endeavor.”

            I had my first compliment on my blog yesterday. It came from a manager at work, and that person said it was both funny and intelligent. I said he had no sense of humor. That’s how we roll at work! It was exciting, to say the least. People are actually reading what I write; never thought I’d see the day. Let’s hope you all continue to enjoy it, and I can keep my wit and humor going (this shit is not easy, you know).

            In other news, here’s what’s on the radar for the next few weeks. I have a “photo shoot” with my photographer cousin over the Thanksgiving holiday. She is published on book covers and now a music CD, and has a wonderful talent for things photographic. I am still working on my platform (the platform is your advertising campaign. Things like facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. are all part of it.) I have the twitter account opened (said that yesterday) and I’ve used it (holy shit!). Once I have the new pics, I will focus on opening a fanpage on FB. I have some experience with such pages, but I will most likely publish three or four blog rants about the bastard project before it is finished. Stayed tuned for more laughs! While all this is going on, the book cover will be coming together. I’m tired just thinking about it. I work hard all day; why do I do this to myself? Am I sadistic?

            Ok, so that’s my next few weeks. While the rest of you are out enjoying your holiday season, think of me, locked away in my tower with only a candle for light and a rat for company – his name is Demetrius – and a whole load of documents, pics, magazines and scraps of ideas laying before me. Alright, you got me: most of this crap is electronic today, so I’ll be sitting in front of my computer a lot, trying to fight to urge to watch youtube……don’t laugh, you do it too!

            I’m done for tonight. Thanks for reading.

           

The Second Blog

            I read from the “Writer’s Yearbook 2012” (insert god-like voice here) last night. I found it at Barnes and Noble, and it’s been pretty good so far. I learned a great deal, and had some very nice laughing and crying moments. You see, writing is not just sitting in front of a computer typing; no, its’ much more entertaining. Unlike you unfortunate folks who get to trudge through life believing you are wonderful, we writers have numerous articles and editorial reviews to tell us what pieces of shit we are. I wake up in the morning and I don’t think “you know, its’ gonna be a good day.” No, I get up and I think, ‘Shit, here we go again.” But we are not as pessimistic as you might think. We simply hear how horrible we are much more than you.

            But anyways, its dreary outside, the Presidential dinner has been moved to the PDR, and I’m still in my bathrobe at 10:33 a.m. Life is good. Oh, and it seems a quote from last night’s blog is deemed worthy enough to be placed on a bumper sticker. That’s cool.

            I have a twitter account. Never thought I would get one, but now the little darling is mine, and I’ve posted on it twice. It’s actually kind of cool, and almost as fun as facebook (the old FB, not the new crappy version that hoodie-wearing idiot threw-up on us all). I have some groups and people I follow, but no followers of my own yet; hint, hint. Check it out also, as I will be posting my woes there as well.

            Alright, unlike professional writers who have nothing but time, I have to get ready to go to work now and earn a living.

            “Shit, here we go again…..”

Behold, the next Phase

            It has been just over four months since I posted my last blog here. When I started the blogging endeavor, I thought it would be beneficial for any writers to hear the words of wisdom from a fellow writer. I am past that now. In fact, you’re on your own! Your work is most likely beyond repair, so quit while you are ahead. Why so cruel, Robert? The reason is that I’m ready to send off my latest novella, and I want no competition from you, so stay away from the publishers and we’ll get along just fine! Hah Hah!

            I am indeed ready to send off Bleodsian, but I have a lot of work to do before hand (marketing, web page development, etc.). I thought it would be entertaining for all of you to follow along with my progress as I endure endless critiques, web page and book cover design, photo shoots and marketing research, not to mention the actual process of editorial submission. We may laugh, we may cry together. Actually, you all will laugh your way through this while I beat my brain against the wall! Remember me in your novenas nightly. I will post daily on my progress, and if I have nothing to report, I will lie about it and spout off something intelligent anyways.

             I am willing to take you along on this journey, provided you wear your seatbelt and keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle at all times (small children under 48 inches are not permitted). You may have sensed my dry sense of humor – if you have not, my sincerest prayers go to those who have to live with you on a daily basis.

             This is my journey, my little bit of literally exploration; if you follow me, you won’t get a prize, you won’t gain notoriety, and you will most certainly have to shower at least thrice a week – I’m a writer, not a barbarian. Take along only the most necessary items and fill your pockets with utensils, please leave the contraceptives. You will, however, get a good daily laugh at my expense, as I stumble from one obstacle to another. Blogs are boring, so I will make this as painless as I can, like the Republican debates (you don’t even need to activate your brain to watch them).

            If you’re still there reading and haven’t fallen asleep, good job. I dozed off twice. And so, without fanfare, I present to you the comedy “Robert vs. the book world.”

            Please stay tuned for further posts……